A journey back to myself.

This blog post was originally posted on atribecalledqueer.com/blog but was moved to this website due to it's personal subject matter

I've said it so many times on the podcast, on instagram, facebook, you name it... 2020 WAS HAAAAAARD! Like many other people all over the world, 2020 challenged me in so many different ways. I was an overworked, disconnected, stressed, mess of a woman pushed to my absolute limits. I made terrible mistakes and I caused pain to myself and to others. My childhood trauma resurfaced in ways I never thought imaginable. To put it frankly, I abandoned myself. I believe the universe saw me wavering in the wind like an untethered balloon, and decided to force me to stop. It was as if there were an invisible pair of hands, holding my face forcefully towards a mirror. I had no other choice but to look into myself and make some really big changes. Because the way in which I was working, the browser I was operating on, it was out of date. It no longer served me or my purpose. I had to choose myself and my mental wellness over everything else. Over everyone else. So I did just that.

I left my job running an amazing non-profit organization with my wife. I enrolled in Community College courses with a sense of purpose and a realistic goal (which is a first lol). I also made real self-care plans and have stuck to them. My morning routine is the foundation for my good mood. Yoga, meditation, and walking the treadmill have become a regular part of my life. I even switched from coffee to matcha and my anxiety levels have decreased drastically. I'm learning to love and care for myself FIRST! It's been quite miraculous to feel myself changing. The way I see, interact, and love other people has changed.

One major factor in all this change came in October 2020. I went on a trip up to Washington State. I'd been there before in December of 2019 with my wife Madin, but this time I decided to go with a femme friend. Once there, we'd meet up with two other femme friends and had ourselves a #femmeventure. I knew this trip was something I really needed. I needed to get away from Los Angeles for a moment so I could unplug, think, and breathe clean air. So I hopped on a plane in a full disposable jumpsuit, gloves, face mask, and face shield. Off I went.

While in Washington we saw some of the most incredible landscapes we've ever seen. Real life autumn colors in all of the beautiful trees. Vibrant moss lay atop of tree branches, stone fences and buildings. The constant drizzle never seemed to bother me at all. We drove onto a huge ferry, got out and watched in awe as we crossed water. So say it was peaceful is an insult. It was magnificent! The highlights of this trip was going to the HOH Rainforest and Ruby Beach. I have very few words that can articulate the beauty of the HOH Rainforest. Ruby Beach was the most breathtaking beach I've ever been to. My journey to nature helped me get back to myself.

I wanted to share some of the imagery from this trip. I hope you enjoy these photographs and visit these places one day. If you're going through or have been through some tough shit, I feel you. Keep going and stay strong. Every moment is an opportunity to turn it around.